February's Atlantic Monthly includes a 10 page cover story about online dating. The piece focused on how more sites are mimicking the eHarmony personality test method to match members and working with experts/researchers from academia. PerfectMatch has Dr. Pepper Schwartz from University of Washington, eHarmony hired Galin Buckwalter from University of Southern California, and Chemistry.com (Match.com's new site) has Dr. Helen Fischer from Rutgers University.
Personality Tests are the Newest Answer for Finding Love Each researcher, whether from a psychological or sociological standpoint, explained how their personality test did a wonderful job of finding the compatibility factors to improve results. Two used the famous Myer's Briggs Type Indicator as the basis for their work, while eHarmony's Dr. Neil Clark Warren came up with his own methodology. Dramatic Flaw in Research Yet, all of this research has at least one dramatic flaw that no one is discussing: Regardless of scientific theory, the process can only work if MEN ARE WILLING TO PARTICIPATE. From my own personal experience and as a professional dating coach, I have found that men are visual when it comes to dating, not cerebral.
Will Men Fill Out the Questionnaire? So the question becomes how many men are willing to fill out a questionnaire with 436 or even 136 inquiries? Definitely not the same number as women. Keep in mind that 75% of the self-help books are purchased by women. Drawing a parallel from other dating avenues, Speed Dating (8MinuteDating.com, Hurrydate.com, etc.) organizers have trouble running events for the 45+ crowd since they need equal number of both sexes. No problem getting the ladies to register, just the men.
Research is Invalid So the research in essence becomes moot or invalid. The best matching system can only be effective if both sexes are willing to participate. Just like vitamins, they only work if you are willing to take them.
Some Success for Women Under 30 I must admit that I have run into a few women who have had success with eHarmony, but they're always under 30. It's quite possible that younger men are more willing to invest the time to take advantage of this new science. If anyone out there has had a different experience, please let me know!
What's a 40+ Woman to Do? You can take one of two approaches. If you're really sold on the matching systems these sites offer, then go ahead and sign up. But please manage your expectations of what will happen and be willing to try another approach to meet men at the same time. The other suggestion is to use the traditional larger sites like Match.com, YahooPersonals, Love on AOL, or AmericanSingles.com.
And, if you are over 55, why not try senior dating sites? Type "senior dating" into Google and see how many entries pop up! These sites are very active and aren't just for retirees. Plus, you won't need to worry about competing with all those younger women because they won't be on those sites!
Use Other Methods to Find Love I hope you'll take my advice because I'd like to save you the shock of an eHarmony email that states: "We're sorry, but there are no matches for you in our data base." That's because there aren't enough men, not because you are unmatchable! Steer clear of sites that use personality tests and try other methods to find the love you want and deserve. |
