Naomi, mother of 5-year old fraternal sons Zachary and Samuel, wrote and asked for advice on how to work more smoothly with her children. She then read PEACEFUL PARENTING and shared the following success story:

My boys are great kids. But our home use to have quite a bit of twin conflict followed by twin love. It seemed as the boys were at one extreme or another. Following them, my husband and I felt as though we too were at one extreme or another. Reading and applying Peaceful Parenting has made all the difference.

I now realize that the boys are in a competitive phase in their lives. Their needs for power and freedom are driving their behaviors most strongly. Each boy had been trying to follow his competitive drive through, over and on his brother.

As you suggested in your book and email to me, we have now changed some procedures in our home. Rather than insist that the boys share toys, we have designated Zachs toys and Sams toys. They still have some toys that they share, but each has a greater sense of ownership and power over his own toys.

Rather than insist that they work together to accomplish their household chores, we have given each child his own chore to complete himself. We all know that Sams job is to set the table; Zachs job is to feed the dog. Each boy knows he has his own job.

Finally we have begun to work together on a plan for how to resolve conflicts as they arise. Although we have yet to find the solution, we are all talking and trying to work this out together, just as PEACEFUL PARENTING suggests. Of course part of the problem is that each boy wants to win. Each insists that his solution is the best solution. We havent found the compromise yet, but we are talking and trying to work this out together.

The overall results of all of these changes are that each boy now feels as though he has more power and freedom. There is less arguing and bickering between the boys now. More twin love is prevailing. Thank you Peaceful Parenting!